Untangled

My kindergarten yearbook photo

At first, my daughter, Harlan, wanted her hair to grow long like Rapunzel's, and I have to admit; I wanted that for her too. I think my hair was naturally curly at birth, which meant I spent my toddler, even  my elementary years, with a white girl 'fro (with the exception of my fourth grade mullet and my Olivia -Newton-John inspired style I attempted to impress my boyfriend). Nothing worked on my hair.

My hair idol, Olivia Newtown John

My mom tried to make it look cute though. I remember one specific hair style that involved a barrette strategically used to flatten the top of my hair to the side and then hold it down. I didn't know there was anything wrong with it then; I was too young. But when I look back on it now, I swear to God, my hair looked like a set of earmuffs. So yeah, I wanted my daughter, whose hair is fine and stick straight, to grow long; I wanted her to have the hair I'd always wanted. And, I'm kinda  glad that hers isn't naturally curly.

In addition to the hateful curls (which I now have a love-hate relationship with), my hair was an ugly color during childhood. I haven't always considered myself a natural blonde...that didn't start until I was 10 or 11. Before that, when I was much younger, my hair was the color of an outdoor mouse...sandy, or "mousy" brown. Good thing it wasn't the color of an indoor mouse because then I really would've looked just like a little old lady who'd put curlers in her hair the night before. Not attractive look for a little girl.

Harlan's nightly French braid

Harlan ready for day care
 in the morning

Just like my mother, I tried so hard to help Harlan see her dream through; I did. She wanted to be Rapunzel; gotta love a girl with a goal. Only, I was not prepared for the nightly fights that would ensue after bath time. Every single night, after her hair was washed, I had to brush it.It was always so Tangled (hope you're getting the Rapunzel allusion here). Even with de-tangling spray, it was difficult to comb without hurting her. And...once I did finish brushing, I just had to braid it. If not, the tangles would be back with a vengeance in the morning, and we'd have to go through the entire process again. 

It always turned out well in the morning, though. When she would wake up, we'd take out her French braid, and she had the most beautiful, wavy hair. Sure, it was a lot of work. She never wanted me to brush through it, hated for me to braid it, and never wanted me to take out her braid in the morning before day care. We were not the best of friends during this hair-growing process.

This nightly process wore on me. I usually ended up chasing her around the house with the brush and bribing her to let me brush it and braid it. And, one night just two weeks ago, I grew very frustrated. "Harlan, you've got a choice to make," I said sternly, pointing my finger at her, using it to emphasize every word. "You will either let me braid your hair, or you're gonna get in big trouble." She looked right at me, pointed her finger back, and said, "I choose the trouble. OK? That's my choice."

The next day, I took her to get her hair cut. In between the I-want-my-hair-long-like-Rapunzel phase, she wanted it cut. How did that happen? Well, there's a little girl in her class who'd had a little too much fun cutting her own hair and ended up with a stacked bob. That was the style my Harlan had her eye on. I decided that, to make her hair easier to brush and to make our relationship less, well, tangled, that's what she would get.

I was worried about how well she would do getting her hair cut. I knew that she would be quite a challenge. She is not the most easygoing child in the world. She's also quite moody. Oh, and she really doesn't care about making a scene. It's like she enjoys an audience really. So, a mother does what a mother's gotta do. I took her to Master Cuts in the mall to see Hallie. If there was anyone who could handle my daughter, it was definitely Hallie. She had been a student of mine years ago...my husband's student years before that actually. He and I have had our talks about Hallie. Yep, not only did Harlan need Hallie, but Hallie needed Harlan too. 

We scheduled our appointment, walked into the salon, went straight to the hair book for kids, and quickly found the haircut Harlan wanted. We showed it to Hallie, and she went to work. I had my reservations about cutting it off; I regretted it as soon as it began. But, Harlan looked so grown up and proud sitting there in that seat. It was like a rite of passage for her.

As the golden hair started falling to the ground, Harlan began with the questions: "Is it brown now Mommy?"

"Huh?" I asked. I was confused.

"It is turning brown like yours?" she asked excitedly.

"No, baby, it's not. It's still golden."

"It is? But...I thought it would turn brown. Rapunzel's did."

I knew at that point that I was missing something, like the conversation that we may have had at some point that made her believe her golden hair would "dye" if it was cut. What would I say? "Well, yours hasn't yet, honey. Maybe it still will." I shrugged like, Yeah, I know I just lied. Get over it.

"Oh, OK." And with that, she just continued sitting there still and patient, like the grown up girl her haircut was turning her into. Before long, she was done and ready for her tattoo. We said our goodbyes to Hallie and walked to the car.

"So, honey, do you love your new hair cut?"

"Yep."

"Me too."

"It's still golden though. It isn't brown. I mean, it didn't turn brown."

"Oh honey, no it didn't. But you still love it though, right?"

"Yes." And, as she said it, she grabbed a piece of her hair and said, "This is the piece of hair. If it's cut, the rest of it turns brown. I just know it."

"OK. But you're good with it now?"

"Sure. I might have it cut some day though."

And, Harlan's hair style absolutely suits her. It's sassy, just like she is. Most of all, it's a style for a little girl who's growing up. Harlan will be in kindergarten this fall. Besides, when it's all said and done, we can't all have long, blond hair. We should all just be happy with who we are and find a look that suits our personalities...and one that keeps us all...untangled.